I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe.

Sometimes I feel like I am underwater. Maybe it’s because Im on my 3^rd jack and coke. Maybe it’s my inability to think properly. Maybe it’s something else entirely.

So since I can’t breathe right now, I’m looking out my window.

The speakers are blaring Arrhythmia by Syx.

I feel like that

Drowning beneath myself. There’s no water but I’m drowning anyways. Like you can almost touch the surface of life but it’s just out of reach.

So my fingers are numb and I’m typing anyways.

Tomorrow I will look upon this post with regret.

Tomorrow I will look upon this post with embarrassment.

But for right now, fuck it.

I’m not here, or there, or anywhere. I feel like I am in a thousand little pieces, and each piece is being carried away on an insane white water rapid. These pieces are trying to find each other, but the current is too strong and too fast.

So they just carry away, farther from each other.

Too much to do and too little time to do it in.

Worse, I’m not even sure how I can pay the rent this month, as some clients haven’t processed payment yet.

The good news is that if I can’t pay the rent, then my sister will have to move out and I won’t have to continue supporting her and her idiotic fiancé.

Did I just say that? I really love them, I do. I love everyone, and I think that is the problem.

Come to me, I say, I will take care of you. I will keep you warm when others shove you into the rain.

The problem is that I can’t seem to take care of myself.

And off again I go, mothering the universe.